like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
