I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
