It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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