if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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