apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize