Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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