I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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