so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I deserve this hangover.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
