And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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