Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
