my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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