careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then my night got REAL pukey
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