i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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