in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
