That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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