I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
