Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
