so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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