I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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