are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
