Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You dont lie about slip and slides
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
