After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
