I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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