SEEEEXXX PLEASE
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
