I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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