dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
