dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
