oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
