Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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