I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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