I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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