YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
