Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I touched a dick in church today
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
