Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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