and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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