and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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