You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
