so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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