I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
