I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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