I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry my hands just texted you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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