I want to walk on stilts...naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
