I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize