Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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