We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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