Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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