Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Never underestimate the power of titties
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
