I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dick has a subreddit
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
