sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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