Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
