a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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