I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
