I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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