Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
