He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize