whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
