Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.