you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.