dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
