Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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