I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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