I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
