he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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