Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
