Having a random hookup so left but love u
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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