There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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