Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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