Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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