Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
