whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
