My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He better not be in your backpack
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
