The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize