Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
