I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
