You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
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