I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
