i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize