I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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