...so i touched it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
