oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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