I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
