So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
