Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
