This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
