I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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