Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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